“I was sold a complete lie. It’s not easy money.”

I grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive home – constantly walking on egg-shells, never knowing what little thing might make my father lose his temper. I was never allowed to have any boundaries; the answer to absolutely everything he asked had to be “yes”, or be prepared to face violent consequences. I remember counting down the days until I turned 18, so that I could go to university and escape.

So… I went to university, I settled into my halls and I tried to fit in. Unfortunately, my parents’ income meant that I was only entitled to the minimum maintenance loan – it didn’t even cover my rent. The government expects that well off parents will cover the rest – mine did not. I had a job, but my boss expected me to skip lectures to fit into her schedule. I spent hours job-searching when I should have been studying, and I missed lectures to keep the job I had. This went on for months and I fell behind in my degree – my lecturers didn’t understand or care. My mental health deteriorated rapidly. I was struggling with PTSD from childhood abuse and ongoing stress from the situation. I watched my friends going out spending their loans on nights out and fun, whilst my bank account slipped further and further into the red just to keep food in the fridge.

What if instead of working unpredictable hours that forced me to skip lectures, I could get the same amount of money for an hour in a hotel room? It sounds like a good deal to a teenager who needs quick cash. ‘Prostitution’ was being called ‘sex work’ and promoted as easy money. People were fighting to de-stigmatise it, chanting “sex work is real work”. The university allowed the local strip club to hand out leaflets on campus. I was young and impressionable. I was dealing with complex trauma with little to no support from the university, despite my attempts to get help. I bought into the idea that I could earn ‘easy money’ selling myself to men, pay off my debts, succeed in my degree and afford to enjoy my life with my friends.

I was sold a complete lie. It’s not easy money. To the buyer, you are nothing more than an object for their consumption, not an actual human being with emotions. You are expected to just put up with whatever they want to do and say to you. The exchange of money makes them feel entitled to treat you however they like, with no regard for your feelings or consent. Not only that, but the buyers know very well how to push the price down as low as possible – they know that you’re vulnerable and that you need the cash and they have no problem using that to their advantage.

I went into prostitution because I thought it was a short-term route to an easier life. In reality, all it did was further destroy my self-worth. It didn’t pay off any of my debts. I just spiraled into a full-blown mental breakdown. I dropped out of university because I couldn’t cope with the pressure. Without a degree and with terrible self-esteem, I went from minimum wage job to minimum wage job – always falling back on prostitution to keep a roof over my head. I kept my friends and family at arms-length because I didn’t want them to find out what I was doing. I was mentally and physically unwell, financially unstable, isolated from my friends and still recovering from an abusive family. The buyers knew this, but were still somehow happy to buy access to my body for the cheapest price they could get.

I finally got out when I started dating somebody who was able to support me financially, but I’ll never get rid of the consequences. I never got my degree – my ticket to a better career. I have secrets from my family and friends that I’m always terrified will come to light. I lost my mental health for a very long time – I was in and out of treatment for depression, PTSD and suicide attempts for years.

Even now, I’m unable to work due to the overwhelming anxiety that I live with every day. I live with physical health problems due to the experience and probably will for the rest of my life. My vulnerabilities were exploited by adult men when I was just a child and a young woman.

Research suggests your brain isn’t fully developed until you’re 25. I don’t think that at 18 I had the ability to comprehend what I was getting myself in to. Glorifying ‘sex work’ to students is abhorrent, and we need to take better care of young adults. Your first few years away from home are a vulnerable time for anyone, and particularly so for people from difficult family homes – encouraging them into the sex trade is exploiting that vulnerability and it needs to stop.