Sandra sent this piece in through our Share Your Story page, which provides a space for women to tell of their experiences of the sex trade in their own words.

I decided to share my story, because I did not find any articles about cyber femdom (female domination) and if the information that I have can help even one person avoid becoming involved with it, then all of the harassment and abuse I went through was not for nothing.

My parents were abusive during my childhood and I had no support system. In adulthood, I saw a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and C-PTSD. The symptoms were so severe, that I could not hold down a normal job.

In my country, most normal jobs are underpaid and the employers are often exploitative and the salary was not enough to allow me to not live with my parents. I was getting desperate and I ended up in an abusive marriage with a chronically unemployed partner. We were struggling to pay bills.

Originally, I tried to do mainstream camming, but I was not successful because I did not have the money for lingerie and make-up, and I couldn’t even afford the popular sex toys.

Then, one day, I heard about “femdom.” Female domination is presented as a very empowering dynamic, where the woman has the upper hand: She does not have to do degrading sexual acts on camera (false); She does not have to be subjected to abuse and stalking (false); She makes her own hours (extremely, ridiculously, false); And most importantly, it did not seem to have the same competition or to demand a plethora of sex toys.

I signed up on a popular camsite and started immediately.

The first few months I endured, thinking that I did not make enough because I am new and things will improve. And eventually, I did start making more money and I was able to afford bills, food, and better outfits. But it came at an extremely heavy price.

First of all, in femdom, you sell parasocial relationships. I was catering to narcissistic, lonely, entitled consumers who essentially spent money trying to groom me to meet them in real life for “femdom sessions.” I would refuse to do that and they would move on to the next impoverished woman, hoping to break her boundaries.

In this job you are treated as a freelancer, which means that you can sit on cam for hours and hours and make literally nothing. There was constant passive-aggressiveness, microaggressions, and members demanding I spend nine hours with them for the $10 they tipped in total. Many days I would log out, calculate my hourly wage and realize it was minimum wage. That made me extremely depressed. Some days I did make more, but they were the exception and random.

I had to constantly watch “cam to cam,” a cam site feature where you get paid to watch the person at the other side of the interaction.

This was very traumatizing because I never knew what would be on that camera and it triggered my PTSD. I saw consumers doing drugs, self-harming, inserting harmful items in their penis and anus, and the worst of all, a man who became fixated on me because “I looked like his real-life daughter.” I want to throw up just thinking about them.

The members of those sites do not behave like fans or friends. They act like jealous stalkers or abusive partners.

No matter how many hours I spent online, it was never enough. Any time I logged on, I had to endure tantrums and hate and invasive questions about “where have I been” and “how they missed me so much,” which was very similar to my abusive parents.

A lot of them seemed delusional and actually believed that I was attracted to them and that eventually, we would be in a real relationship. It was very scary to be pursued like that.

My final straw was when one member paid a private investigator to find my real town and real social media. I had given the name of a nearby town and he felt betrayed and came to confront me online saying that he trusted me and now he would “get off his meds and doesn’t know what will happen.” The police had to be involved, and his family thankfully convinced him to stop.

If you want my advice, please, do not believe whatever lies the media are selling about the “exciting” life of dommes. I was a cyber domme, but I have met so many mistresses who need to be under the influence of alcohol or drugs to endure being on camera. Many also use it as a cover-up for selling sex.

So the woman you see “making $10K monthly” being an online domme could be flying all over the country to meet dangerous individuals for sex. Or they could be helping a cartel laundering money.

There is no such thing as showing up clothed and making tens of thousands of dollars.

Please stay safe and educate yourself.

Share your story

If you’ve been in the sex trade, or have been affected by it in other less direct ways, and would like to share your story anonymously, please see our Share Your Story page.