By Jenna
Labour MP Samantha Niblett has recently stated that she wants to start a campaign all about the joy of real sex and consent. Some may laugh at the idea of a politician bringing sex into Parliament, some may think it’s inappropriate and some may think it could be helpful in the porn saturated world we live in.
When I heard that she plans to bring sex toys into Parliament and has been having conversations with a well-known sex toy and lingerie website, I was immediately put off. These vibrators and dildos may give pleasure and may be sat in a lot of bedroom drawers but for me they also remind me of violence and performance.
When I was involved in prostitution, sex toys were part of the show. Were they there for my pleasure? Were they freeing and liberating in an environment where men were paying me for orgasms? Not so much. Some were used on my body though. I had a glass dildo that the rougher men loved. One buyer had a thing for hearing women scream and he seemed to think that the best way to do that was to penetrate us as hard as he could with a sex toy. I did scream because I wanted him to stop but it was never quite loud enough and he always had to hurt me just a little bit more.
The buyers liked me to use toys on them too. Men would frequently ask me to penetrate them with strap on dildos. They never bothered to prepare for this activity which would mean not only would I have to pretend to enjoy doing it, but I would also have to clean their faeces off these toys before giving them a friendly kiss goodbye.
I had men refuse to leave until they had given me an orgasm. Most would accept my performance and go away thinking they had given me great pleasure but there were a few who did not and they would stay there until my body betrayed me. I had men come in with penis extender devices so they could penetrate me deeper. Catering to men’s egos was a big part of my role.
I associate sex toys with pain and with an environment that was oppressing rather than freeing. They were just another tool to humiliate and punish me with. That doesn’t mean I think that all sex toys are weapons but they can be used as such.
For me healthy sexuality starts with knowing your own body and you don’t need anyone or any ‘toy’ for that. Sex can be healthy and it can be pleasurable, but the sex industry has turned it into man controls woman and even for those not directly involved in it, it has massively impacted the way people have sex.
Do MPs need to be educated on mutual pleasure? Maybe. Will Samantha Niblett’s campaign help free women from bad sex and lack of consent? I think it’s doubtful. We need conversations on respect sure but can we go back to basics?
The websites that sell these toys (including the one Samantha Niblett has been in talks with) also sell whips, they sell bondage hoods, restraints and ball gags. There is a contradiction in speaking of pleasure and consent whilst promoting items that can injure, humiliate, and traumatise. Items that keep women firmly in the submissive role and men struggling to recognise boundaries.
If politicians want to make a change when it comes to healthy relationships, they need to tackle the sex industry. Not just the harmful pornography but all of it. Take the blinkers off and listen to those of us who have had to heal from it. We have taken our power back and we understand consent. Listen to us.