The idea that compulsive internet porn use can be a form of addiction has a bad reception in some feminist circles. There is a conviction that it lets men off the hook; perhaps even positioning them as victims – both individual men and men en masse. I’ve long felt that this is not only faulty logic, but also misguided.

It may be easier to think that men are innately violent. But it’s a pretty nihilistic view. If it’s true, there’s no realistic hope of bringing about change – so we might as well give up.

There is concern that focusing on the struggle that male porn and prostitution users go through trivialises the very real trauma that porn and prostitution cause women and children – both those directly involved and those on whom men act out the brutal porn they’ve spent years getting off to. But if we don’t understand what drives men into this behaviour, we’re pretty much left with shaming them for it and shaming people is not an effective strategy for bringing about change.

We urgently need a mass change of behaviour or a mass reboot – to use a term popular in the nofap community. I’m tempted to say, who cares how we make that happen while porn is so clearly ruining people’s lives and catastrophically damaging the fabric of society. Isn’t it better for women and children if men kick their porn habit? And if that takes understanding the addictive neurological, biological, and evolutionary forces underlying that behaviour, let’s go for it.

Which brings me to Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction by Gary Wilson, because it provides the tools to make that happen. Frankly everyone who wants to understand the world we now live in needs to read this book. But especially so if you are a parent, teacher, youth worker, politician, policy maker, counsellor, therapist or health professional. Or a feminist.

It was first published almost a decade ago, with a second edition in 2017. I mention this because things have moved on since then – both on a technological level and in terms of new research, much of which has backed up Wilson’s conclusions (although you wouldn’t know this if you rely on Wikipedia and many other mainstream publications, because there are vast vested interests at play, just as there were with the tobacco industry who for decades insisted against all evidence that smoking was harmless and even health-giving).

The book does not go into detail about the content of modern internet porn – about how violent and misogynistic it is and it doesn’t focus on the terrible impact men’s compulsive porn use can have on their partners and families. That is taken as a given. Some people think that’s all you need to know – that if you understand that, you should simply stop using porn. But like many things in life, it’s not that simple. And that’s where this book comes in. It explains the problem and why it is so entrenched, its biological, neurological and evolutionary basis, and how to regain control.

What Are We Dealing With?

The first chapter explains the alarming reality and shows that much porn use by young men in particular conforms to the key signs of addiction: the inability to control use, and use that negatively interferes with one’s life.

High-speed internet porn bears little relation to the magazine porn that older generations grew up on:

“With magazines, porn use was a few times a week and I could basically regulate it because it wasn’t really that ‘special’. But when I entered the murky world of internet porn, my brain had found something it just wanted more and more of. I was out of control in less than 6 months. Years of mags: no problems. A few months of online porn: hooked.” [Page 12]

Far from being a healthy way to discover your sexuality, high-speed internet porn use frequently leads to a loss of libido and interest in real life partners and life goals, an inability to concentrate, and escalation to ever more extreme and violent material, such as bondage, sadomasochism, bestiality, fetishes, and child abuse material. Along with this might come the desire to act what you’ve seen out interactively – through webcamming sites, for example, or on intimate partners – of if they don’t acquiesce, on women in prostitution – or even on children.

“I can say with absolute certainty that the fantasies I had about rape, homicide and submission were never there before hardcore porn use from 18-22. While I stayed away from porn for 5 months all those fantasies and urges were gone. My natural sexual taste was vanilla again and still is. Thing with porn is you need harder and harder material, more taboo, more exciting and ‘wrong’ to actually be able to get off.” [Page 46]

The damage isn’t confined to men. When girls and women watch porn, it can override their normal disgust for practices they would otherwise abhor. This can lead to them accepting or seeking out real life sexual behaviour, including involvement in the sexual exploitation industry, that can be profoundly damaging.

There’s a network of online communities of people, mostly but not entirely men, who are realising the harms that internet porn use was doing to them and who are quitting or attempting to quit and supporting each other in that. Wilson draws on the testimony on such forums.

“(Age 18) Before starting porn at 15 I was EXTREMELY horny and would chase anything on 2 legs. I made out with girls and got insane boners. After porn ruined me, I was completely disinterested in girls and could never maintain an erection. At my young age I knew there was something definitely wrong with me because I’m supposed to be women-crazy like I used to be before porn. At 17 I began my reboot. Yesterday I successfully had sex with no ED [erectile dysfunction] drugs and my boner was amazing.” [Page 53]

Another guy who eventually managed to reboot described how his porn use affected him:

“My friends were drifting away. I gave up socialising to sit in my room and pleasure myself. My family loved me unconditionally, but did not enjoy my company. I had trouble focusing on my job as well as my classes at university. I had no girlfriend. I had an enormous amount of anxiety with human interactions in general. I worked out furiously, but never seemed to gain anything. Everyone told me I was mentally checked out. I even caught a glimpse of me in a video and you could see a blank stare in my eyes. No one was home. Definition of space cadet. No ENERGY, no matter how much I slept. NONE. NOTHING AT ALL. Always tired. Bags under my eyes, pale, acne, and dehydrated. I was terribly depressed. I had porn-induced ED. I was stressed, anxious, confused, and lost. I was not living life, but I was not dead either. I was a zombie.” [Pages 29-30]

As heavy internet porn use is currently almost universal among young men, it’s no surprise that large numbers of them are deeply alienated – as epitomised by the incel movement – nor that there is an unprecedented rise in “asexuality” and that young people are having significantly less real-life sex than their parents’ and grandparents’ generations.

For many reasons, giving up porn use can be difficult and can sometimes cause a temporary worsening of symptoms. Sometimes it can take months before he sees the benefits. Like the heroin addict, there’s a temptation to relapse because of the knowledge that one hit can relieve the agony. But for those who persevere, the rewards are profound and the desire to connect with others returns. One guy wrote:

“Social anxiety improved drastically – includes confidence, eye contact, comfort interacting, smoothness, etc. More energy in general. Clearer, sharper mind, more concentration. More vibrant looking face. Depression alleviated. Desire to interact with women. Boners are back!” [Page 29]

Research

Six studies since 2010 have shown that rates of erectile dysfunction among men under 40 are now somewhere between 14% and 33%. That’s approaching a rate of one in three. This is a thousand percent increase from the previous rate that had remained stable at 2-3% for half a century. The increase exactly matches the period that saw the rollout of high-speed internet and porn tube sites.

“After years of porn, I was having trouble with erections. It had been getting worse and worse for a couple of years. Needed more and more types of porn stimulation. I was really worried, but the anxiety just pushed me deeper into more extreme porn. Now, the more I go without porn, masturbation, fantasy and orgasm, the more difficult it becomes to not get an erection. LOL. No ED problems or weak ejaculations like I had just a few months ago. I have healed.” [Our emphasis. Page 17]

Academic research is painstakingly slow so that by the time studies are released, they might not be relevant to the latest developments. Others are poorly designed – for example, results are often reported for entire populations (e.g. all ages and both sexes) which can mask the results for specific groups, like teenagers and young men, who are disproportionately impacted.

Some researchers ask users whether they think that porn has caused their problems – as if someone who’s been masturbating to high-speed internet porn since the onset of puberty has anything to compare it with. This and the ongoing ignorance and perhaps even outright denial of many medical and therapeutic professionals mean that large numbers of young people whose problems stem from their porn use are routinely misdiagnosed with social anxiety, low self-esteem, concentration problems, lack of motivation, depression, and a myriad other conditions – for which they are likely to be prescribed psychiatric drugs and assured that it’s nothing to do with their porn habit. It’s hard to imagine a less appropriate approach.

Many insist that there is no overwhelming research that proves causality, often pointing to the absence of relevant double-blind trials. But it is clearly impossible to do a double-blind trial comparing people who use porn with those who don’t, because the difference would be obvious to everyone, invalidating the requirement that neither participants nor researchers know who has been given the intervention under study and who the placebo.

However, there are other ways to prove causality, for example, by studying the impact of giving up porn. It is possible to divide existing porn users into two matched groups, with one group giving up porn and the other maintaining their current usage. Wilson urges researchers to step up efforts in this area so that health professionals and the powers that be can no longer justify not taking action – and continue to mislead young men about the likely cause of their problems. Since the book was published, many now consider that causality has been proven.

Wilson provides a fascinating insight into the research that has been done and brilliantly debunks the porn promoters’ claim that watching porn is little different from watching puppies or sunsets.

Underlying neurological and biological mechanisms

There isn’t space here to go into the electrifying material on the neurological, biological and evolutionary mechanisms that come into play with internet porn use and why it is an entirely different phenomenon from the magazine porn used by parents and grandparents.

While compulsive internet porn use has much in common with other addictions, including cocaine and opioid addictions, it is unique. Drug addictions hijack the mechanisms that evolved for sex – but porn is more dangerous because there is complete overlap and no natural inhibitors.

“I’ve battled a few addictions in my life, from nicotine to alcohol and other substances. I’ve overcome all of them, and this was by far the most difficult. Urges, crazy thoughts, sleeplessness, feelings of hopelessness, despair, worthlessness, and many more negative things were all part of what I went through with this porn thing. It’s a wicked awful thing.” [Page 18]

As with all addictions, craving increases and pleasure decreases, driving you to seek out novelty, which internet porn provides in abundance, along with surprise, shock, violation of norms and expectations, anxiety and thrill seeking.

Wilson gives short shrift to arguments about whether the problem is an addiction or a compulsion.

Sexual conditioning and adolescence

It is perfectly natural and healthy for young people to want to learn about sex. It is a fundamental part of adolescence, an evolutionary drive. Young people are biologically wired to be sensitive to sexual cues and during puberty the brain produces higher spikes of dopamine and other neurochemicals. However, this, and their lack of real-life sexual experience, makes adolescents particularly susceptible to being hijacked by high-speed internet porn. This is why age verification on internet porn is vital.

“Spending years before your first kiss hunched over a screen with ten tabs open, mastering the dubious skills of learning to masturbate with your left hand and how to find sex acts your dad never heard of, does not prepare you for fumbling your way to first base, let alone satisfying lovemaking.” [Page 90]

Until the introduction of high-speed internet and porn tube sites, young people’s main sexual cues would be other teens. Now that has changed.

“I’m 25, but I’ve had high-speed internet access and started streaming porn videos since age 12. My sexual experience is very limited and the few times I’ve had sex have been total disappointments: no erection. Been trying to quit for 5 months now and finally have. I realize that I’ve been conditioned to the point where my sexual urges are deeply linked to a computer screen. Women don’t turn me on unless they are made 2-D and behind my glass monitor.” [Page 90]

Porn is conditioning young people on a level far beyond the conscious mind. This means that the idea that we only need to explain that it isn’t real and all will be well is utter nonsense. And anyway, most internet porn IS real. It is films of real people having real sexual interactions.

We don’t deal with other risks – like smoking, junk food, knife crime, etc – by suggesting they aren’t real. And nor do we explain news reports of war and other atrocities as fantasy or “not real”. It’s time that we collectively up our game and explain the truth to young people.

Regaining Control

The final chapter is a practical guide to kicking a porn habit. It explains the process so you know what to expect – including that the younger you started, the tougher it’s likely to be. Being forewarned about common withdrawal responses like flatlining and insomnia and that they don’t usually last forever, can help you weather them. Understanding the pitfalls can help you navigate them. Knowing that porn-induced fetishes are not necessarily permanent can give you hope. And the suggestions for dealing with every situation and stage of the process can keep you on track.

Knowing that it is possible and that thousands have trodden the path before you and that it is worth the struggle is priceless.

Conclusion

This is a highly compassionate book. It explains why and how high-speed internet porn is so dangerous; how it is unique and has little in common with the porn of previous centuries. It approaches the problem without judgement of those caught up in it and provides practical solutions. Judgement is reserved for the $97+ BILLION global porn industry and its lobbyists and bent researchers.

Your Brain on Porn might not provide a feminist analysis of porn, but it is an important tool in the feminist arsenal against an industry that is laying waste to young people and our collective humanity. Read it before it is too late.

Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction by Gary Wilson published by Commonwealth Publishing.