‘Kelly’ sent this account of being a phone sex operator (PSO) through our Share Your Story page, which provides a space for women to tell their stories of the sex industry in their own words.
I have been a phone sex operator on Niteflirt for three years. It has been a horrible, exploitative and traumatizing experience and I am here to tell you what really happens on that site.
I used to be a camgirl (another abusive form of prostitution, but I saw others talking about it, so I won’t elaborate) until I got diagnosed with IBS. IBS creates haemorrhoids and the need for frequent bathroom breaks, so showing my naked body was out of the question. Desperate for money, I turned to the cesspool of sex worker forums who advised me to sign up and become a PSO for Niteflirt. I thought it would be easier. Boy was I wrong! I will tell you several things no one ever told me about that place.
1. The site never bans any John, but they are quick to ban the flirt (that’s the name they use for PSOs). Johns will request things that break the rules of the site dozens of times per day (scat, rape fantasies, children, relatives, animals, racial slurs, etc). Every day I had to block and report dozens of them. Nothing was ever done. In the rare case they got in trouble, they just made a new account and came back. Basically, all the sick Johns banned from cam sites, find their paradise on Niteflirt. Women strapped for cash would entertain their zoophilic/paedo fantasies hoping to not get reported and fired. Many did.
2. The first month the site promotes you and sends traffic to your listings (your online ads) to lure you into thinking you found a good money-making job. It’s not uncommon for new women to work for a few hours every day and make hundreds of dollars. After that, the traffic dries up and you are left shocked and stressed and you practically have to leave your lines open all day (and often all night) to make MAYBE half the money. Also a lot of the men have the habit to call only the new girls and then move on. Retaining regular clients is very difficult.
3. There is constant disrespect, solicitation for hook ups or paid sex. A lot of the men are wildly clueless about basic female anatomy and sexuality. A client asked me to have an orgasm on command staring at a black screen (he did not open his camera). When I told him that women do not climax on command staring at nothingness, he was very surprised.
4. For many flirts, in order to make over $2k monthly, you have to work all day every day without breaks. I felt like some kind of dystopian sex slave, months passing with me trapped alone inside a small room, chained to a phone and camera (for phone with cam). A very isolating and mentally damaging experience.
5. CONSTANT scams. Men attempting to “pay you after a show”, ‘”pay you with an alternative method” or trying to haggle my already low prices.
6. Erotomaniacs or mentally disturbed Johns into parasocial relationships. I had to block a regular caller when he told me he has been telling everyone that he has a long-distance girlfriend and he is serious about her and they are going to get married and his family is very happy for him. Nothing wrong with that in general, except the “long distance girlfriend” was me. He had been paying me by the minute and I never consented to dating him, much less marrying him. I am constantly worried that one of those delusional men will pop up in real life expecting us to marry one day.
7. Harassment and abuse from other phone sex operators. From my experience, they are the worst, most hostile category of prostitutes. Every time a newbie showed up on the forum, they would be attacked, mocked or given plain wrong advice.
I could go on, but you get the point. I had IBS flare ups because of the constant insanity and online abuse. I am always trying to find another job, but it’s very difficult with my disability and health problems.
I get very angry and upset by all this propaganda that sex work is empowering. It is not. Having money in your pocket is empowering, but the things you did and said to get paid are very degrading. Sex work is not real work. I had real jobs before my illness and no one degraded me and if a customer was abusive, security would escort them out. The women who call themselves feminists and promote sex work as a legit choice for young girls are very dangerous and misogynistic. Every time a woman asks me what I think, I tell them my honest truth: run away and stay away!
One day I dream of leaving it all behind me and for these awful men to exit my life for good.
Share your story
If you’ve been in the sex trade, or have been affected by it in other less direct ways, and would like to share your story anonymously, please see our Share Your Story page.
Thank you for writing this. It’s rare to read something about this world that feels both honest and beautifully articulated and I genuinely felt relieved seeing someone put into words what so many women live through in silence. I also worked on the website you mentioned. At this point I only work part time and most days I’m trying to patch together income through reselling on eBay. I’m sharing that because I think it matters; people love to discuss this topic like it exists in a vacuum, when in reality it often comes down to finances, health, and what options someone actually has. I’m ashamed to admit it but there were times I felt pressured to go beyond what I was comfortable with just to keep money coming in, not because I wanted it, and not because I enjoyed it (I didn’t), but because survival has a way of narrowing your choices. It made me feel dirty and disgusted afterward. And I agree wholeheartedly with the point you made… anyone claiming this is “empowering” to women is either lying or deeply disconnected from reality. Having money is empowering. Being degraded, pushed, or coerced into crossing your own boundaries to get it is not. And I recognize I’m also “old school” in my worldview. I believe men should work and provide and women should be able to focus on the home and children. I know that won’t resonate with everyone but it’s how I see a healthy structure. The problem is that when you don’t have a provider, especially when you’re disabled, limited, or medically compromised, you still have to survive. And that’s how people end up in situations they wouldn’t choose if they had real support and real options. Something else you captured perfectly is the emotional trap of the “GFE” dynamic. Those men are often my “favorites” in the sense that they’re the least crude and the most human, but the cost is heavier. The men who get emotionally invested often invest the most financially, and then you’re stuck with this sick mix of guilt and fear; guilt because you know they’re attaching to you and fear because some of them truly believe you’re their future wife. I’ve seen men with almost no social life make this their only social world and that kind of isolation can turn into fixation fast. The fear of someone popping up in real life isn’t paranoia – it’s a rational concern. And on the safety issue, I worked in a very high-end strip club for 4 years and the contrast is shocking. Security was tight, standards were strict, and customer behavior was controlled. If a dancer said “I don’t want him,” that customer was removed immediately… no questions asked. That level of protection made a huge difference. Online, specifically Niteflirt, there’s nothing comparable. You’re often left managing unstable, entitled, or rule-breaking men alone, and when platforms don’t enforce rules consistently, it puts the burden and risk entirely on women. And when you mentioned how many men don’t understand women’s anatomy (or sex in real life) I couldn’t agree more. Honestly I sometimes think that’s exactly why they’re there… if they had healthy, mutual intimacy offline, they wouldn’t be spending their time on a site like Niteflirt. Some mention having kids and I can’t help but laugh to myself because it’s hard to imagine many of those encounters were remotely satisfying for the woman. And not to sound snobbish but I’m a Mensa member and it was oddly surreal how quickly I learned that playing “ditzy” was expected. Pretending to be someone I’m not isn’t fun for me. It gets old fast and it’s mentally exhausting. At the same time I’m not a clinician or credentialed professional and I would never want to present myself that way online (even if some people do). Even if I WERE in a career with those credentials, I wouldn’t risk it by tying my name or reputation to that environment. It’s just discouraging to have to deal with the combination of ignorance and entitlement, especially when those are often the men with the money. I know there are other ways to earn a living. It just gets tricky when your options are limited… you have to get smarter, think harder, and build something that doesn’t require you to trade your dignity for income. Thank you again for writing something so clear, so accurate, and so needed. I’m grateful you told the truth.